Giving encouragement

I am a member of several writers groups. One of the main things we do in these groups is encourage each other. Provide a shoulder, the straight truth or constructive criticism when someone needs it. The trick is figuring when they need what.

As I understand it, this knowledge comes with experience. I try to be a friend and provide this to my fellow writers. And although most times I do get it right. Sometimes, I feel as though I fall short. Either I don’t know what to say so I say nothing, or I talk too much and end up saying something that is taken wrong.

For years my father encouraged me, and as a result I no longer enjoyed what I did, playing the violin, singing, painting or writing. The only thing I kept coming back to was writing. So I guess it helped to hone my interests…although I like to think it could have been done less painfully another way.

We had a problem because he tried to help. The halfhearted “Oh, that’s nice” got drowned out by the list of things I could do better. Intellectually, I knew he meant to help, but the barrage of criticism, left me with the feeling I was so terrible at what I tried that I shouldn’t bother.

Finally, I realized that the only failure was to stop trying, and I needed to keep working on what I wanted. While there are people that hate my work, there will also be people that enjoy it.

But I digress.

Because of my experience with encouragement I feel as though I fall short when I comment on something. Perhaps I hit the nail on the head and don’t realize that people were dancing around the issue for a reason. And a critique that is too on-the-nose will douse someone’s attempt to succeed. Speaking the worst things that a person thinks of themselves can make insecurities become harsh reality.

I like to think I don’t have that much power over people. But sometimes just one perceived failure can disrupt someone’s life.

With my children I try to see only the good. Sometimes I will ask what they think about this or that, thereby allowing them to tell me where they think they missed their target. But, they are children and everything they do is gold. They sing as beautifully as any angel. Their stories are brilliant. Their paintings are inspired. Would they be picked up by an agency and make a million dollars? I don’t know, but that’s not the point. They have amazing potential.

Do the other writers in my writing group have that potential? You bet. They might not get published today. They might need to work on it. But if they keep at it the sky’s the limit.

I just need to find a way to say that to adults so it doesn’t sound corny.